Five years ago, when I started my health and fitness journey, I knew I wanted to feel better. I was doing what my instincts were telling me to do.
I only knew part of the story back then. Now that I know more of the story, I understand why what I was doing was so effective.
I trained so hard for running because I wanted to achieve goals. I wanted to get faster and run longer.
I trained so hard for boxing because I wanted to get better and eventually start sparring.
I weight-trained so hard because I wanted the strongest body possible.
I was driven to excellence and continuous improvement and wanted to keep going.
I only knew part of the story back then and didn’t have an understanding of why what I was doing was truly effective.
The whole story: getting back in your body post-trauma
What I was actually doing was starting the process of getting back into my body.
When a person is traumatized, they dissociate from their body and the environment. The sensations that they feel in their body are unbearable, and the environment that they’re in may not feel, or actually not be, safe.
So, a traumatized person dissociates from their body and environment. They start living in their head.
When you dissociate from your body, the unbearable emotions that you felt become trapped in your body. All emotions that you feel are felt in your body. They are meant to be felt and released so that your body systems can resume their normal functions to keep you healthy.
When you experience more difficult emotions and don’t fully feel them and release them, they become trapped in your body as well.
When emotion and stress are trapped in your body, your body stays in survival mode. Your body systems that regulate your health are compromised, and you go into a state of dysregulation. This can cause all kinds of symptoms, both physical and mental.
This includes autoimmune disorders, mental health disorders, and other ailments that we typically have.
When I realized a year ago that I had experience trauma in my earliest years, I started the process of releasing emotions. I’ve made incredible progress and still have work to do.
How I’m getting back into my body
Now that I’m home most of the time and my world has significantly slowed down, I’m focusing more on getting back in my body. I’ve been very fearful and inflamed since the pandemic started. If I haven’t gotten COVID-19 already, if I do get it, then I’d like for my immune system to be as strong as it can be.
Being fearful, inflamed, and dysregulated will not help my immune system be strong. I can’t guarantee that I’ll never get the virus if I haven’t already, so I’m starting to take my power back so that I can do the best thing for myself possible.
I reconnected with my boxing trainer, and we will be doing sessions virtually.
I am continuing to heal my nervous system by restarting this 21-day nervous system tuneup course.
I am starting this yoga course from mindbodygreen, which they have made free since the pandemic started.
I am riding my bike more.
I am moving outside in my backyard more, whether it’s a full-fledged workout or just whatever movements my body wants to do at that moment.
I am meditating more so that I can be in touch with my body and its sensations.
I am safe
I consciously know that I am safe. Now I am diving further into my body to help regulate my nervous system so that it knows that I am safe as well.
I am lucky to have a well-paying job with plenty of work that’s needed right now. I’m also lucky to be living in a nice place with a loving partner.
I have all the safety I need to dive even further into uncomfortable places so that I can continue the healing journey.
All I want to do is live life fully and experience everything fully as much as possible.
I don’t care about achieving. I care about living.