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Five years ago, when I started my health and fitness journey, I knew I wanted to feel better. I was doing what my instincts were telling me to do.

I only knew part of the story back then. Now that I know more of the story, I understand why what I was doing was so effective.

I trained so hard for running because I wanted to achieve goals. I wanted to get faster and run longer.

I trained so hard for boxing because I wanted to get better and eventually start sparring.

I weight-trained so hard because I wanted the strongest body possible.

I was driven to excellence and continuous improvement and wanted to keep going.

I only knew part of the story back then and didn’t have an understanding of why what I was doing was truly effective.

The whole story: getting back in your body post-trauma

What I was actually doing was starting the process of getting back into my body.

When a person is traumatized, they dissociate from their body and the environment. The sensations that they feel in their body are unbearable, and the environment that they’re in may not feel, or actually not be, safe.

So, a traumatized person dissociates from their body and environment. They start living in their head.

When you dissociate from your body, the unbearable emotions that you felt become trapped in your body. All emotions that you feel are felt in your body. They are meant to be felt and released so that your body systems can resume their normal functions to keep you healthy.

When you experience more difficult emotions and don’t fully feel them and release them, they become trapped in your body as well.

When emotion and stress are trapped in your body, your body stays in survival mode. Your body systems that regulate your health are compromised, and you go into a state of dysregulation. This can cause all kinds of symptoms, both physical and mental.

This includes autoimmune disorders, mental health disorders, and other ailments that we typically have.

When I realized a year ago that I had experience trauma in my earliest years, I started the process of releasing emotions. I’ve made incredible progress and still have work to do.

How I’m getting back into my body

Now that I’m home most of the time and my world has significantly slowed down, I’m focusing more on getting back in my body. I’ve been very fearful and inflamed since the pandemic started. If I haven’t gotten COVID-19 already, if I do get it, then I’d like for my immune system to be as strong as it can be.

Being fearful, inflamed, and dysregulated will not help my immune system be strong. I can’t guarantee that I’ll never get the virus if I haven’t already, so I’m starting to take my power back so that I can do the best thing for myself possible.

I reconnected with my boxing trainer, and we will be doing sessions virtually.

I am continuing to heal my nervous system by restarting this 21-day nervous system tuneup course.

I am starting this yoga course from mindbodygreen, which they have made free since the pandemic started.

I am riding my bike more.

I am moving outside in my backyard more, whether it’s a full-fledged workout or just whatever movements my body wants to do at that moment.

I am meditating more so that I can be in touch with my body and its sensations.

I am safe

I consciously know that I am safe. Now I am diving further into my body to help regulate my nervous system so that it knows that I am safe as well.

I am lucky to have a well-paying job with plenty of work that’s needed right now. I’m also lucky to be living in a nice place with a loving partner.

I have all the safety I need to dive even further into uncomfortable places so that I can continue the healing journey.

All I want to do is live life fully and experience everything fully as much as possible.

I don’t care about achieving. I care about living.

I have restarted a consistent meditation practice and led a seven day meditation challenge for others to start their own practice.

Practicing during this time of uncertainty has taught me lessons that I’d like to share with you.

1. Stay in touch with your feelings

When you sit still and meditate, it allows you to receive feelings and emotions that come up. We are going through a traumatic time, so there are most likely feelings of fear, anger, and otherwise that are coming up.

It has been very hard for me to get out of bed almost every morning. I haven’t done very much in the way of exercise. My usual routine is just not there.

When I sit still and allow my feelings to come up, most of them are from my trauma as a very young child. I feel helpless and paralyzed to do anything. I feel anxious and fearful.

I let the emotions rise and meet them without judgment. I let them wash through me and fully feel them.

I wanted to keep busy and productive, but I have found that this is an excellent time to slow down if you have the privilege of doing so. Your feelings and emotions are calling to you, and if you allow them to be acknowledged and rise to the surface, then they will wash through you and release.

2. Practice non-judgment and self-compassion

Meditating and allowing thoughts and feelings to come up is a good opportunity to practice non-judgment. You can look at what comes up for you and realize that it’s not good. It’s not bad. It just is.

Perhaps you think you should feel a certain way or act a certain way. If you look at yourself with non-judgment and practice self-compassion, then life will be much less of a struggle.

We already have a difficult reality to deal with most of the time, especially now. Self-judgment on top of that just makes things harder.

3. Create consciousness

If you are able to slow down, then you can create consciousness.

Most of us go through life on autopilot. We do life and react to things based on how we were raised, childhood wounds, and our culture and society among other things.

How we react may not correlate with who we really are. Therefore, the ability to slow down gives us the chance to notice.

A meditation exercise to build up our power of noticing is focusing on the breath. Focus on the in-breath, focus on the out-breath. Our minds will wander, and the biggest first victory I had in meditation is that I noticed when my mind wandered. And then again. And then again.

Shortly after that, I noticed a pattern of mine. Whenever I would ask someone for something, such as inviting them out for a meal or asking for help, I automatically assumed that they would give me an emphatic “no”. So, I wouldn’t ask.

When I started meditating, I noticed that I did that and questioned that assumption. I then started asking people for help and inviting them out for a meal, and I never got an emphatic “no”. Maybe a “not now”, but they didn’t react badly to me.

This was the first pattern that I was able to identify and ultimately heal from. I have since created enough consciousness to identify other patterns and take appropriate steps to heal from years of trauma symptoms that I didn’t realize stemmed from trauma.

Now is the time to slow down

The world has afforded us an opportunity to go within and slow down. Not everyone shares this experience, and I appreciate the fact that I’m privileged enough to do it. If you are too, then take this opportunity for yourself.

If you want to start a practice, there are many resources for you to do so, including my free seven day meditation challenge.

We are living in uncertain times right now. It can provoke anxiety, fear, and a sense of feeling out of control.

Meditation is a tool that I’ve used during a time of great uncertainty. It helped to ground me and find peace during the storm. I still practice five years later.

I am inviting you to join me for a seven-day meditation challenge from March 22 – 28, 2020. It’s free. Join the Facebook group to be part of it.

Each day at 12:30 pm EDT, I will post a ten-minute guided meditation on Facebook Live. If you can’t make it at that time, then the videos will be available in the group to watch on-demand.

Here’s what you’ll need in order to meditate:

1. A quiet space where you can be still and uninterrupted for ten minutes. If you can, ask a significant other for assistance with the kids and pets so you can have self-care time.
2. A comfortable place in this quiet space to sit or lie down. It can be on your couch, a chair, a yoga mat, a floor, or your bed.

You don’t need to set a timer. You don’t need an app. I will guide you through the entire meditation and let you know when time is up.

We are all connected and need each other more than ever, right here, right now. I invite you to take part in the moments of calm that this challenge will bring and connect with others who are doing the same.

See you in the Facebook group!

We are, without a doubt, living in a crazy time.

I’m currently in New Orleans helping my fiancee heal from major surgery. We are staying in lodging with several chemotherapy patients (she is not one of them; this surgery was preventive). There’s nothing like being among people with compromised immune systems during a pandemic to make you wonder if you’re doing enough to stop the spread of disease!

It has been hard for me. Taking care of someone you love after major surgery is already tough enough. Having a world-changing pandemic on top of it doesn’t make things any easier.

I’m doing my best to keep steady during this whole thing, and you can too.

I woke up early this morning and got out on the trail across the street and went for a walk. It overlooked the Mississippi River, and I got to see the sunrise. Nature is still out there, it’s still beautiful, and we can still be grateful for it.

I have started meditating again. Whenever I need quiet, I simply close my eyes wherever I am and let whatever comes up come up. It doesn’t have to be for a predetermined length of time.

If you feel more comfortable setting a timer, then set it for ten minutes. Or five. Or two. Practicing at all is what’s most important.

I’ve been doing my best to eat nutritious food. We did go to Trader Joe’s at the beginning of our stay, and most of the shelves were wiped out. We picked up as many healthy things as we could, including pre-hardboiled eggs, yogurts, and dried broccoli florets.

I’m going to try and do more things that make me feel alive and connected with the world and with a higher power and order of things that’s bigger than me.

This whole thing is certainly making my trauma and PTSD symptoms flare up. It is not easy. But I have been doing the work for the past five years that allows me to stand here today and know that I will be ok.

I just need to tap into the work that I’ve done and start living it. Which is what this blog is for. Hopefully it inspires you to do the same.

Stay steady, my friends. Though let whatever comes up come up. It’s scary, and that’s ok.

Boy, 2020 sure has been an adventure so far.

On January 1, I went to the hospital because my PTSD symptoms got out of control. I wanted them to give me the strongest drugs possible.

Instead, they discharged me back into the care of my therapist because I was doing everything right and handling everything the way a healthy person would.

Two days later, I went on a job interview and got an offer the same day for my current position: long-term contract web developer at the Delaware Department of State.

Less than a month later, I quit drinking.

Less than a month after that, I moved in with my fiancee.

Now, we’re in New Orleans as she recovers from major surgery.

Oh yeah, and we’re in the middle of a pandemic.

2020 sure has been interesting. But it has shown me that my healing has gotten to a point where my long stifled down emotions and feelings have felt safe enough to come to the surface. They attacked me on New Year’s Eve and remained unrelenting through New Year’s Day.

They haven’t completely gone away yet, but they’ve gotten much better. I recognize them for what they are.

I let my emotions come up. I let them flow through me. I identify the uncomfortable feelings and do my best to not let them overwhelm me. That doesn’t always happen, but it gets easier with time.

New website format

This website has been primarily about my technology, marketing, and web development pursuits. Those have been my passions for a long time.

However, the journey of incredible health transformation is my passion now. Meditation, nutrition, exercise, community, spiritual practices, and self-love are my passions.

I never thought I could ever feel this good. I am so far away from the reality that I used to know. Far away from everything that feels normal.

However, it feels really nice to finally not feel defective and abnormal.

My experiences are completely normal, and yours are too. I hope to use this new website format and my writings to express myself as I am now and to inspire you, motivate you, and help you on your journey.

Our world feels crazy right now. There’s lots of uncertainty with climate change, coronavirus, political upheaval, and the global economy. We are evolving and experiencing shifts. We’ll do it together, and through our experiences, I hope we help each other light the way.