I’ve been able to reflect these last few weeks of 2020, and I’ve come to realize that this year gave me everything I needed. It gave me a crystal clear view of the wounds of my country and the world that need healing, and it gave me a much clearer view of my own wounds that need healing.
I also got to experience quite a bit of joy this year, which I am grateful for.
I have settled on my goals for 2021, and here they are:
Continue to repair my nervous system
I have discovered that because of my early childhood trauma, and then years of being treated in a way that aggravated that trauma, the development of my brain and nervous system were adversely affected.
Deep down, I have lived thinking that the world is dangerous, everyone is out to hurt me, I have to be perfect in order to prevent being hurt, I am not good enough, I am worthless, I am lower than scum, and I do not deserve love or happiness.
Yup, that’s what early childhood trauma does to you. Real talk.
Because of this, my ability to sense safety vs. danger has been adversely affected. It is very rare that I have felt truly safe. Most of the time, I don’t, even though I consciously know that I am.
I have spent the last five years getting healthy and repairing the long-term trauma effects through meditation, nutrition, movement, and mind- and body-based therapy.
In 2021, I am going to continue to consciously work to repair my nervous system. I’m doing it for me. Things are difficult right now, but I know there’s a way out of this. I know that trauma doesn’t have to last eternally. I have healed so much of it, and there is more to heal, so on I shall go.
Continue to build my relationship with my wife
I was lucky enough to get married this year to the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. We have a beautiful relationship based on love, trust, friendship, being able to be ourselves, and everything good about a partnership where we root for our success individually and as a couple.
I want to continue to build the strength of that relationship since we’ve only been together for almost two years and have a whole lifetime to go. I want to build connection, trust, intimacy, and all the other things about a relationship that make life that much richer.
Continue to build relationships with friends, colleagues, and loved ones
This also serves to help repair my nervous system, as does building my relationship with my wife. My shame frequently keeps me hidden and gives me reasons for hiding that are not based in reality. Consciously reaching out to people and talking to people helps repair my nervous system because it shows my system that I am worthy of connection.
The nervous system speaks in the language of show, not tell. So, it will take a series of courageous steps to show my nervous system that the original trauma is over and that it’s safe to connect with people now.
Fitness goal: focus on strength training
I absolutely love running. I very much enjoy cycling. There are lots of other sports and activities that I want to partake in, like hiking, bouldering, playing basketball again, etc.
I’m an athlete, and I love it.
In order to be able to do all of these things and stay healthy, I need to focus on strength training at all times, no matter what. I spent most of 2020 rehabbing an old injury that wasn’t rehabbed quite enough the first time. Strengthening my affected areas has been incredibly helpful.
I want to be as full-body strong as I can be in 2021. It will allow me to put my body through stress as an athlete, and it will also help slow down the aging process, which I have to be at least a little bit conscious of at 40.
Heart-centered goal: start my meditation teaching practice
Five years ago, I found my way to meditation. It was a way for me to access my inner world.
I started becoming more conscious of my tendencies towards anxiety and depression. It led me to uncover that I have unprocessed trauma, which never crossed my mind before.
It taught me to meet my inner world with non-judgment and self-compassion, and it transformed how I feel about myself and care for myself.
I think our world could use a lot of that, especially as we go through our collective trauma with the pandemic, systemic oppression of people of color and indigenous people, and climate change among other things.
I want to introduce people to a tool that they can use to safely access their inner world and start the healing process. I also want to be mindful that meditation is not safe for everybody, especially if you have unprocessed trauma that makes sitting with your thoughts and feelings intolerable.
Therefore, I want to introduce meditation as a tool for those who can use it safely.
I bought the domain phillymeditationcoach.com and intend on building it out and starting my teaching/coaching practice. I feel like the world needs it and that I’m an excellent person to offer it.
Best wishes for 2021!
Those are my goals. How about you? What are your goals?
I hope that 2021 brings you everything you need and that you get to experience the full gamut of what life has to offer!
Life is for living, in good times and not so good ones, and so we shall!